"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
