So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She told me I should be a condom model.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
