I want to have your abortion
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
