just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
