In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
