operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
