i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
