Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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