I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
