I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
