i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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