the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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