If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
