The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
