hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
