Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
the day after is always just damage control
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize