he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
