Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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