Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
