The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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