Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Drake has all the answers
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
