Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
