my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
