I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
