Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
