This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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