a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
