just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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