I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
