You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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