Can i not drive my cunt home
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
