while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
