Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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