bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just google imaged poop.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
