I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
