i think my tv is drunk
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
