Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
