took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
