apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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