Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize