also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize