There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
