that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
