my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
one might say we're banned from that church
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
