she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
