and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize