she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
