Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Randomize