I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize
