There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
