Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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