Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
