i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
