I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
