question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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