turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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