Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
