is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize