Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
