Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
How does one acquire holy water?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
