what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
