Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
