There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize