i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
