need another drink. this is the easiest way
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
