Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Randomize
