We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
