grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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