she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
