I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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