I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
