You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
