ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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