He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
