every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
