dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
